February 16, 2011

It’s Been Way Too Long…

Posted in Uncategorized at 2:49 pm by otherdeb

In the past year and a half, I have lost 77 pounds, gained back 40 pounds, retired from my job, become a freelance writer, lost my fiance (he lost his battle with leukemia), lost my oldest friend (he lost the battle to keep his lungs working), gained several thousands of dollars worth of yarn, (thanks to a wonderful newish friend who was destashing), completed NaNoWriMo and signed up for WriYe2011, signed up for theYear of Stash Socks 2011 challenge, survived the “Snowpocalypse” (there has been snow on the ground here in Brooklyn since 26 December 2010), had a bunch of opportunities open up out of having done NaNoWriMo that I never expected, and gotten back into debt thanks to my sister, the roomie, and my own poor choices.

So, here I go again.

Primarily, with regard to the weight and the finances, I feel broken.  I have been half-heartedly trying to get back on program, but it’s just felt like too much.  Until my pension kicks in (all $157/month, or so the union tells me it will be), I am dependent on the roomie and the writing.

I hate being dependent on others.  The ex has agreed to suspend my paying him back what I owe him until after my pension kicks in, which is very helpful, but I am afraid that I am going to have to apply for food stamps.  Part of the problem with applying for food stamps is that the city wants to know the income of every person in the apartment, and my roommate is unwilling to provide that information, so I either have to lie and risk getting caught, or do without something that could enable me to buy proper food for staying on program.  I have the papers filled out for free meds for two of my three prescriptions, but I don’t know what to do about the third, since it’s a generic.  I know that once I am more established as a freelancer, there is insurance I can get through the Freelancer’s Union, but it will cost me.

I am not feeling sorry for myself, here.  I am just catching up before going forward with this blog again.  Am I happy?  Mostly, but not entirely.  Am I moving forward?  Yes, but way too incrementally for my taste.  Am I going to survive?  Most likely.  I am not given to failing at that, after all.

The good thing is that the job stress is pretty much gone.  I no longer wake up dreading a two-hour commute to a job I had grown to hate because of the administrators (I loved, and still love, most of the kids).  I am building a good reputation on the site I am picking up clients from.  I am learning new skills that I will be able to apply both to the freelancing and to my personal writing.  I’ve sold two articles to an online writer’s magazine.  I am working on figuring out how to counteract the getting broken with regard to weight so that I can get back on track.

So, things are not looking too horrendous.  And there is progress.  I can see it with every article that gets accepted on a platform such as Associated Content/Yahoo!Contributor Network, and every pair of socks/scarf/hat/pair of mittens/shawl I complete.  Now, I just have to stop sabotaging myself in the areas of weight and money, and I can really soar.


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