@ Ari Kouinuma: Welcome! Yes, you have to acknowledge that you got yourself into the hole but some folks, having done that, continue to beat themselves over the head about it until they cannot move to get out of the hole.

I totally agree about not continuing the blame. What’s done is done — there’s no point in beating oneself about it.

That said, it’s not the same thing as not taking responsibility, either. You do have to own up to the fact that it is you who got yourself in your situation. And just as you came down here, you also have the ability to get rid of the debt.

It goes both ways. One can screw up or build up. It’s a choice.

ari

Second, yeah, blame is one of the two big paralyzing forces we deal with (fear is the other). But I think blame is more destructive in some ways. When you fear, you think you might not be able to do it, be it, whatever. When you blame, you not only have judged yourself guilty, but you beat yourself up for having been stupid as well.

One thing that I found amazing when I worked corporate, which I did for over 20 years) is how many bosses talked about fixing the problem rather than spending time assigning blame, but how few even attempt to do that. In all that time, I only had two bosses who actually were focused on handling the situation rather than playing CYA. Those two bossses (Joe at Helmsley-Spear, and Mary at American Express) made a major impression on me, and convinced me that not blaming was the way to go when trying to fix something.

Awesome post! I didn’t mean to blab so much, but you got me to thinking about this again.